Ascot United Supervets v Stonehouse Super Veterans

Report

Friday 11 October 2024

Ascot United SVs 12-2 Stonehouse SVs

 

The Ascot United Supervets have waited for what feels like an eternity to host their first game of league football. Years in the making, the occasion was one enjoyed not just by the players but also an impressive array of former players, injured onlookers and otherwise exuberant spectators. That Ascot won – ultimately – at a canter was the icing on the cake.

 

“Any team that turns up with someone who has played 81 times for their country (Latvia), as well as in the Champions League for Shaktar Donetsk, is going to need to be taken seriously” mused co-gaffer Dave Porter to the BBC World Service after the game. “Thankfully, we had Dave Freer to keep an eye on Andrejs Štolcers. And that he did most impressively”.

 

Class act though Štolcers most certainly is – both in terms of what he can do with the ball and indeed the positivity he showed even when the goals were flying in at the other end – not even he could stem what eventually became a torrent of Yella attacks.

 

The hosts started slowly, and they only really jerked into life following a calamitous defensive cock up that saw Stonehouse take the lead. 0-1 and the Ascot Supervets were on unfamiliar terrain; behind for the very first time in a league game.

 

The hosts’ response was nonetheless pretty good. Micky Parker kept passing the ball out nicely from the back, Dave Thompson was holding it up admirably up front and Mike Hynes was doing his best to ping the ball about from the middle of the park.

 

And, it was Hynes who was at the centre of Ascot getting back into the game; a good run through and a hefty shove in the back saw referee Staniforth point to the spot. Quite whether the defender needed to shove Hynes in the way that he did is a moot point, but Mike Tomlinson wasn’t deliberating such things as he firmly stroked the ball home.

 

Ascot then went ahead thanks to a nice chip over the keeper, but, Stonehouse, to their credit, bounced back impressively. The ball dropped from a set piece and was pinged across the goal and into the corner. 2-2.

 

It didn’t stay that way for long. Ascot moved up a gear and began breaching the visitors’ back line at will. Two more goals quickly went in (leaving Dan Hough with possibly the most unanticipated hat-trick of the season so far) and Ascot finally had some breathing space.

 

Gaffer Porter didn’t quite read the riot act at half-time, but he did make it clear that football is a simple game and the Yellaswere at their best when they played the ball speedily on the deck. It seemed to do the trick; Ascot totally bossed the second half, scoring eight and missing a hat full more. Football really can be a game of two halves at times.

 

Chris Ferdinand, the Berkshire Beast, was at the centre of much of Ascot’s good play. Having the strength of an ox helps, and he held the ball up impressively. Throw in three excellent finishes, including one absolute humdinger from fully 25 yards, and the Yellas had their second hat-trick hero of the evening.

 

Dave Thompson also got into the goal-scoring act, helping himself to a brace of decent finishes, whilst Phil White offered width on the right and a(nother) eye for goal. He too added a couple, whilst Mike Tomlinson doubled his tally with an impressive shot from just inside the box.

 

It wasn’t, however, all about the goal-scorers. Snake-hips Hamblin zigged and zagged past two defenders to set up one of the goals, Micky Parker offered width and dynamism down the left. Jad Sidhu had a very solid 65 minutes first at left back and then across at right back, while both Martin Kay and Steve Hill made solid contributions. Even Eryk Nawala, a man who had very little do in the second half, made one stunning diving save to keep out a Stolcers free kick from that was flying like an Exocet missile.

 

Stonehouse were a tired side by the end, but, fair play, they kept at it and kept being positive. Their performance in the bar, however, was of an altogether different calibre; fair play, it was good to see most of the team still there an hour after the game ended.

 

“On nights like tonight it’s hard to pick a man of the match” commented co-gaffer Stuart Flurry to Five Live afterwards. “I’d nonetheless go for Paul Woodford. The cool, calm and collected way that he raised his linesman’s flag was absolutely textbook. He could have a real future there, you know……”

 

Team. Eryk Nawala, Martin Kay, Jad Sidhu, Micky Parker, Dave Freer, Mike Tomlinson, Dan Hough, John Heard, Mike Hynes, Dave Thompson and Paul Hamblin

Subs. Chris Ferdinand, Steve Hill (snr), Phil White, Stu Flurry, Dave Porter

Goals. Chris Ferdinand (3), Dan Hough (3), Phil White (2), Dave Thompson (2), Mike Tomlinson (2)